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Brittany L. Bergman

Savoring motherhood, building marriage, and living simply

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Armchair Chats // The Collective Weight of Individual Moments

Dec 6 Leave a Comment

Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase.


I try to publish these Armchair Chats during the last week of the month, but I’m still moving at a pretty slow pace thanks to the sweet baby who is zapping my energy. So not only is this post a week late, but it’s actually covering two months because I never got around to writing an update for October.

These past two months saw a resolution in morning sickness (hallelujah!), our trip to Disney World, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Selah’s birthday, and some other fun things I’ll be sharing more about soon. (It’s not twins, I promise!) Now I’m looking ahead to busy December: a vacation with Dan/without Selah next week, Christmas activities the weekends we’re in town, and Christmas itself, of course.

It’s tempting to feel overwhelmed and overloaded, especially since I’m basically missing a week and a half of the short Christmas season. But instead, I’ve been intentional about focusing on small moments: letting Selah help every time she asks/demands; lingering over caregiving activities like brushing her teeth and getting dressed; turning on the Christmas lights when I’m the first one awake, alone with my coffee and journal; finding ways to say healthy and happy yeses.

I recently ran a big life decision past a trusted friend, and part of my fear in making this decision was that I wouldn’t have enough of myself left to give to Selah. I can honestly say this fear was rooted in mom guilt and not in reality, and this friend not only affirmed that but reminded me of the nature of kids’ memories: they don’t remember the big stuff, the extravagant stuff, the stuff we intend for them to remember. Instead, they remember how they felt in the presence of their parents during the most ordinary moments. They remember the overall feeling of warmth, security, and love in these early years, which I have no doubt Selah feels.

This wisdom is informing the next phases of my life: how I approach Christmas, the goals I’m setting for the new year, how I prepare Selah to welcome another child into our family, how I will handle the transition from one to two kids. Individual moments matter, but they matter more for their collective weight than their individual significance, and that is incredibly freeing.

Here’s more about what I learned, loved, and read in October and November.

What I Learned

  • A writer is someone who writes regularly. In the season of survival I recently shared about, I wrote a bit here and there, but it was not super regular and certainly not every day. I needed this freedom for a time, but what I found was that I actually stopped thinking like a writer, which tricked me into believing my creative well had gone dry. Now that I’m back to making time for writing most days of the week, my creative tap has gone from occasional drops to a regular trickle and is now approaching a steady stream, and I’m both relieved and grateful.
  • I thrive on social-media-free weekends. I had done a handful of these over the past year, but lately I’ve been doing them every weekend. I uninstall Facebook and Instagram on my phone so I’m not even tempted to open them. I am so much more productive and present when I do this.
  • I’m not as cool with intuitive eating and body positivity as I thought. I’ve been eating pretty much whatever I want this pregnancy and not hating myself for it, so I thought I was doing pretty well. It turns out, I was only okay because I wasn’t gaining much weight. I’ve started gaining more rapidly in the last few weeks, and it has triggered major feelings of failure, disgust, and shame. While I’m very much looking forward to our vacation next week, it doesn’t help that I’ve also been searching for a swimsuit for my constantly changing body. I know it’s normal for this process to feel very jarring as my body changes more quickly than ever, but I also know I need to find a way to banish these lies and learn to accept what my body is doing.

What I Loved

  • Duck boots. I’ve lived in the Midwest for most of my life—including the past 15 years—and I’ve never owned a legit pair of winter boots. One of my major flaws is that I choose fashion over function. I caved last year for a puffy coat and this year for some cozy boots, and TBH, I’m not looking back. The ones I bought are no longer available, but these and these are similar.
  • Coffee. This is so simple but so exciting! With this pregnancy, I couldn’t drink coffee without gagging for the first 15 weeks. I love the taste of coffee, but I also love the routine of it, and it felt like there was a piece of my morning missing every day. But now I’m back to drinking it happily—though now I have to be careful and limit myself!
  • Selah’s 3rd birthday! Year 2 was pretty darn amazing with this girl, and it was a joy to celebrate her reaching another milestone.

  • Blanqi leggings. I heard about these from Ashlee Gadd, and goodness, she wasn’t kidding when she said they are phenomenal. If I’m at home, I’m generally wearing these. It makes me sad whenever it’s time to wash them because I have to hang dry them, so they’re out of commission all day! Note that Blanqi also makes nonmaternity leggings, but I haven’t tried those yet. Another brilliant suggestion from Ashlee: maternity shapewear. It’s helping majorly with those body image issues as I pull out maternity dresses that are slightly snugger than they were with my first pregnancy.
  • Cheesy Christmas movies. My favorites, including a few ones this year, are A Holiday Engagement, The Princess Switch, and A Christmas Prince. (I am super excited to watch the sequel, A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding, but I’m waiting for a perfect moment when I have plenty of snacks on hand for one of Selah’s Saturday nap times.)
  • Disney World. Of course! Our trip to Disney feels like it was ages ago, but really was just six weeks ago. The whole thing was exhausting and magical and so very worth it, and I’m hoping to write more about it soon. Until then, you can check out my 15 tips for taking a toddler to Disney World, in case you’re crazy enough to try it too.

What I Read

Buckle up—I have two months’ worth of books to share!


  • The Heart’s Invisible Furies by John Boyne: Possibly my favorite book of 2018. At almost 600 pages, it is a commitment, and it takes a while to get going. But once our main character, Cyril, becomes an adult, I was hooked. He is charming and lovable and infuriating, and I so desperately wanted him to be happy. I wasn’t sure which way the ending was going to go on this one, but the final page was so good I had to read it three times because I ugly cried my way through it on the first two attempts. 5 gigantic, shining stars.
  • We Were Eight Years in Power: An American Tragedy by Ta-Nehisi Coates: This book is phenomenal. This would not make a good first book if you’re just starting to learn about racial injustice, but it is a necessary read at some point. In my opinion, you have to be ready to accept Coates’s experience of the world if his work is going to move you. This book features one essay he wrote each year during the Obama administration, some related directly to the presidency and some not. He also writes introductions to each piece, and I was surprised by how much he included about his growth as a writer and his writing process. 5 stars.
  • Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman: This book covered heavier topics than I expected—childhood trauma, for instance—but somehow the story still feels lighthearted. It took me a while to learn to love Eleanor, but by the end, I found her so endearing. This is a delightful and quick read. 4 stars.
  • Us Against You by Fredrik Backman: This is the sequel to Backman’s Beartown, a novel about an elite ice hockey program in a small town (also about rape, toxic masculinity, and believing women). You can find my review of Beartown, which I loved, here. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is was, but this novel just didn’t do it for me. The writing felt a little forced and overly poetic for my taste, though Backman is obviously a brilliant writer and storyteller. I will certainly read more of his work even though this one was somewhat of a miss for me. 3 stars.

  • One Plus One by Jojo Moyes: I read this one while I was in Disney World with my family, and it fit the bill. A lighthearted story, easy to dive in and out of, a steady if predictable plot. I didn’t love this one—the love story got too sentimental too quickly to be totally believable—but it served its purpose. 3 stars.
  • Essentialism by Greg McKeown: I’ve heard so many people rave about this book and how much it has revolutionized their work and personal lives. I can see how it would be genuinely helpful to someone who is a chronic overcommitter, can’t say no or set boundaries, and has a hard time identifying their most important contributions. I don’t struggle much with saying no and focusing on the most important things, so this book wasn’t especially helpful, though it was a nice reminder to continue in the same direction. Also, for a book about keeping life limited to the essentials, this book was way too long and filled with unessential content. I haven’t read this summary, but I would recommend starting there to see if it’s worth it to you to read the whole thing. 2.5 stars.
  • Bel Canto by Ann Patchett: Ugh. Just ugh. I struuuugled my way through the first 100 pages, but when an author manages to make a terrorist/hostage situation remarkably boring, I just can’t anymore. I’ve now DNFed two Ann Patchett books, which shows me that I’m just not an Ann Patchett fan. Her writing is beautiful but feels overwrought, and you might be sensing a theme here, but I prefer for authors to just say what they mean. (I typically don’t rate books that I don’t finish, because that doesn’t seem fair.)

What I Clicked

  • A pretty perfect and holistic list of feel-good movies.
  • “There are many things about raising a child with special needs that have caught me off guard, but this question, “Did you have a good day at school?” and knowing that it’s not reluctance but inability that keeps him from answering it, this has been one of the most surprisingly hard. Did something funny happen? Were his feelings ever hurt on the playground? Did he like the lunch I packed? Were the teachers pushing him too hard or not hard enough and how did he feel about all of it?” —Dreaming by Katie Blackburn
  • “As I’ve grown older, I’ve been practicing how to use my voice. The 16-year-old girl who wanted to be liked and seen as ‘good’ doesn’t really care about other people’s opinions now that she’s a 31-year-old woman. To be quite frank, she has no more fucks left to give.” —Good Girl by Shannon Williams
  • “So, soon-to-be-mama-of-two, you’ve totally got this. I pray you find your own words to guide you with how to prioritize your time during the newborn haze. I pray that you give yourself grace upon grace, that you are honest with yourself and community about how you need help, and that you remember it’s okay for things to feel hard and messy during this season.” —Ready or Not: Becoming a Mama of Two by Adrienne Garrison

What I Wrote

  • Reframing Everyday Moments as Adventures
  • Light a Match // published on The MOPS Blog
  • 15 Tips for Doing Disney World with a Toddler
  • Gender Reveal + 1st Trimester Update
  • Would I Do It All Again? // published on Coffee + Crumbs
  • The Sound of My Voice
  • Armchair Chats // Time, Memory, and Breaking Out of Survival Mode

I’d love to hear from you! What have you been learning, loving, or reading lately?

Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase.

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Filed Under: Armchair Chats Tagged With: books, family, parenting, reading, relationships, social media, writing

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brittanylbergman

Brittany L. Bergman
✔️ Kamala shirt ✔️ Kamala pearls ✔️ Ka ✔️ Kamala shirt
✔️ Kamala pearls
✔️ Kamala mug 
✔️ Kamala curls

It’s a great day to witness the shattering of a glass ceiling, to embrace empathy and decency, and to breathe a collective sigh of relief.

The work is only just beginning, but today, we celebrate. Congratulations, President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris! 👏🏼🎉💙
What a beautiful, exhausting, festive, heartbreaki What a beautiful, exhausting, festive, heartbreaking, cozy, chaotic-but-strangely-quiet Christmas we had. ✨🎄✨

That’s a wrap for me on 2020—I’ll be off social media until sometime in January. May you be filled with peace and hope as we close this year but still wait for the close of this chapter in our history. 💜
I have faced Christmases full of grief and loss; d I have faced Christmases full of grief and loss; depression and rage; exhaustion and loneliness. But I can honestly say this is the weariest Christmas I can remember. I say that not to shine a spotlight on me, but to say that I have a feeling this might be your experience too. I’m with you.
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And so the words to my favorite Christmas hymn hit me different this year. They resonate in a place much deeper, more tender and true than ever before. I rejoice in the giggles of my meltdown-prone child. I rejoice in stolen moments alone in the dark, the room lit only by the glow of the Christmas tree. I rejoice in every video and every social media post I see of a frontline worker receiving the COVID vaccine, our ticket out of this nightmare. I rejoice in the vision that next Christmas might look more familiar than this one does. I rejoice in the hope of Christ, whose universal, creative, motherly love holds the whole universe together.
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On this Christmas Eve, I’ll leave you with this quote from Howard Thurman. I hope these words bring a slant of light to your day.
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“The symbol of Christmas—what is it? It is the rainbow arched over the roof of the sky when the clouds are heavy with foreboding. It is the cry of life in the newborn babe when, forced from its mother’s nest, it claims its right to live. It is the brooding Presence of the Eternal Spirit making crooked paths straight, rough places smooth, tired hearts refreshed, dead hopes stir with newness of life. It is the promise of tomorrow at the close of every day, the movement of life in defiance of death, and the assurance that love is sturdier than hate, that right is more confident than wrong, that good is more permanent than evil.”
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Whatever and however you celebrate at this time of year, I’m sending you all my love and peace. 💫
I found my Christmas spirit this weekend, just in I found my Christmas spirit this weekend, just in the nick of time.

I baked cookies with Selah without getting frustrated (first time ever?), took the kids on drive to see Christmas lights, and wrapped a bunch of gifts.

But here’s what I think did the trick, and please do steal this idea (because I stole it from someone else but have no idea who): Magical Movie Night™️.

On Saturday night, I stealthily placed a golden ticket under Selah’s pillow (which I printed from the internets and colored quickly with a yellow marker; good enough is good enough for Magical Movie Night!). We put Eamon to bed and got Selah ready for bed too, going through all the normal motions of brushing teeth, putting on pajamas, picking out a book. When we climbed into bed, I told her to look under her pillow.

She was confused when she found the ticket, and I told her it was for a Christmas movie night. “When?” she asked. “Right now!” I said. “What do you mean ‘right now’?” When it dawned on her that she was going to stay up past her bedtime to have a special movie night with Mommy and Daddy (sans Eamon), she lost her mind with excitement.

Bonus: Gramma was waiting downstairs with a bag of popcorn and Swedish Fish!

We snuggled under blankets, turned on Elf, and laughed our festive butts off. (This was her first time watching Elf, and it felt like the dawning of a new era. It’s such a big kid movie! And she loved it! Hold me. 😭)

Deck the halls, bring on Christmas, fill my mug with holly jolly goodness. 

I also acknowledge this has been a crappy year in so many ways, and I know many of you are not going to be able to access Christmas cheer this year. That’s okay. The real spirit of Christmas is light breaking through the dark, love making a way, and the beauty that can’t help seeping through the dirty, messy, horribly human moments of our lives. So you’re covered.

(And if you want to fake it ’til you make it, give Magical Movie Night a try. It’s the actual easiest.)
In which I couldn’t come up with a clever captio In which I couldn’t come up with a clever caption. There are signs of life but my brain is dead. 💀
“This is what I find most mystifying about Adven “This is what I find most mystifying about Advent: the period of waiting ultimately ends in great joy, but we can’t get to that great joy without intense, active, unbearable pain. In Advent we sense the mingling of anticipation and anxiety, excitement and disappointment, joy and pain, hope and fear.
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“On this side of history, we have the luxury of waiting with great hope, great joy, and great expectation. We know Jesus will be born, we know he will save us and redeem us, we know he will die and rise again, and we know he will set all things right one day.
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“But before Christ came, Advent was dark. It was lonely and unknown, as the Israelites waited in faith to hear from God, and all they got was… nothing. Silence.
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“Isn’t this more characteristic of the waiting we usually do? The waiting seasons of our lives are less often marked by joy and hope and more often marked by pain and fear. They are not often cozy or comforting but difficult and dark and even laborious.
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“We wait as a pregnant mother waits for her child to be born—there’s a vision of the joy to come, to be sure, but in the throes of gut-wrenching labor pains, we think we might actually die before we see that joy fulfilled. After a long season of pregnancy, when the fullness of time has arrived, the advent of labor ushers in the real period of waiting—and it is active and painful and raw.”
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// From “In the Fullness of Time,” a new blog post on @first15. There’s a link in my bio to the whole piece, with thoughts on pregnancy, Advent, and waiting well in an exceptionally hard year. 💜 Thank you so much to @first15 for publishing this post!
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Brittany L Bergman is a for-profit blog. Any company that I collaborate with is chosen by me and fits the theme and readership of my blog. At times, posts may contain affiliate links or sponsored content, which is never at any charge to you.

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